The end of another week.... and it hasn't been an easy one. I reached a point this week that I thought would take longer than three weeks to reach. Communication between the father and myself has been very poor so far. This lack of communication has made my transition especially difficult. When I came in he gave me the most rough crash course on everything all in one day! Who can learn everything about five children in one day? Answer... Not me! Things started rough, got better, got rough again, seemed to be getting better then mid week I cracked. 11 to 12 hours a day is hard and overwhelming. I woke up sick Wednesday, got ready and went to take care of the kids and help them get ready for school. Not feeling well made it difficult for me to fully function which he didn't like, I got a brief lecture from the him again, about breakfast this time. So first I don't feel well, which in his defense he didn't know but still. Second, I don't know what all the girls like to eat and what they don't like to eat yet. Third, and most important of all I don't read minds! I don't know everything, I know surprising since sometimes I think I do. I can't come into a home and just know everything and take over, which is what he wanted of course. So I accepted the lecture gracefully and he took the girls to school. Not even 15 minutes after he had left the baby, decided to throw the biggest fit I had seen thus far from her. That is what finally pushed me over and made me crack. I called my mom in tears. I wanted to leave right then and their. I was exhausted, over worked, overwhelmed, what I soon realized was probably exactly how a mother feels. I cried off and on the rest of the day. I talked to my nanny agency and told them what has been happening. They told me the best way to handle it for now was to talk to him, which my mom had been telling me all day. I told them I would and then I sent him a brief email stating my concerns and told him we needed to find time to talk. I told him I wanted this to work for both of us and for that to happen we needed to communicate better, He replied better than I thought he would. We still haven't talked yet but things seem better weather it's me and my attitude towards the whole thing or him trying to communicate more, or even both. I came to the conclusion that I will give it more time before I decide if I will stay or not, also that I'm doing the best I can with the situation at hand. It wouldn't be easy for anyone to come into a single parent house hold of five girls who are all healing from the loss of their mother and sister. I came here to do what I can to help this family and it's ok if things don't work out. Sometimes people just don't mesh all that well together and if that is what ends up happening here then that will be just fine. I still have hope that this will all work out for the best. I know I came here for a reason.
Well things towards the end of the week got better. We communicated more and things ran a little more smoothly. The grandmother and I have bonded and she really wants me to work out. To be honest so do I and I hope I do. I have a good feeling about things from here on out. For not I will keep looking for that sweet silver lining.
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