Holding On

It's the end of the second week and it has turned out much better than the first week. I got to spend time with all of the girls this week and it was great. All the girls have so much to offer. The 7 year old is like the 3 year old just a little older and slightly more tame. She seems to taunt her younger sisters and occasionally the older ones as well. She has so much life in her and when she can let it out and be her own person she is so great. The 12 year old and she is the comedian of the family. She is a typical girl at her age. She makes me laugh most of the time I'm around her. She seems to like talking to me one on one whenever she gets the chance and I take every opportunity I get to enjoy her company. Then there is the 13 year old she is the oldest. Since her mom has passed away it seems she has taken on some responsibilities that I'm sure she did when her mother was around but now that she is gone they have amplified. She has taken a little longer to get to warm up to me but I think she is opening up more and more every day. She is quiet and reserved but she loves all of her sisters and it shows when she opens up with them.

I had a slightly difficult day today or should I say ending to the day today. I got in a minor car accident. Nothing major happened just hit a mans mirror. No major damage was done it should be easily taken care of. This put me in somewhat of a funk. I beat myself up over it for hours. Then I had a helpful conversation with my mom ( although I didn't fully realize it until just now). After the accident I felt so dumb for not paying better attention and noticing I was to close to the car next to me. I couldn't let it go. I guess part of me felt like I had let Sean the dad down in some way. I was so worried he would be angry but when he found out he was calm and just told me to pay closer attention. That wasn't good enough for me. I was sure he was angry he just didn't want to show it. My mom told me that I'm most likely reading to much into the situation with Sean. As our conversation went on she said that I'm not here to make Sean happy, I'm here for the girls, and as long as I'm giving it all my best, that's all that matters. At the time I agreed but I wasn't fully sold on the idea. He's my boss, of course I need to make him happy. No! I was wrong. Sitting here thinking over the past few hours it fully hit me. He hired me to take care of his girls, not to take care of him, just his girls! My mom was right (as she usually is). I need to keep my focus on the girls and that's all that matters. I know this family is the one I'm working for, for a reason. I'm here to help these girls. If I make the smallest difference to them, that will be a great accomplishment. I'm not the nanny they are used to and I believe that is the best thing for them right now. I have to stop being so hard on myself. Life comes with challenges and trials and what makes life great is what and or how you get through the challenges and trials presented to you.